Choose Your Own Adventure.

As I sit and write this, I can see the trees outside with their colored leaves swaying in a cold crisp wind against a darkening sky. Everything about it convincing me to stay inside tucked away under a blanket with a cup of tea. A good day to write.

Actually, anytime I have 5 seconds to myself is a good time to write.

When I was a kid, there was a series of books that was all the rage. Choose Your Own Adventure. There were a bunch of chapters, and at the end of each chapter there were 2 scenarios and you had to choose which one you wanted. Depending on what you chose, it would lead you to a different section of the book and ultimately to an ending. What I liked most about these books was that if I didn't like the ending, I could go back and choose a different chapter (or sneak a peak at where I was headed to make sure it was the good ending).

What I dislike about life, is that it's nothing like this.

There are no re-dos.

There are no look aheads.

There is only one shot to get it right.

There is only one go around which means there isn't enough time in life to do all you want to do or be everything you want to be.

You have to choose. 

I hate choosing.

For the last couple of years, what started out as a simple idea to return to school, grew has now become a burning passion. This frightens me. Because once an idea evolves into a desire, and then into a burning passion it becomes something that I MUST do or I will never be happy. Like sky-diving, or seeing the great barrier reef, or travelling the world, or shaving my head. For whatever reason, I have had these ideas in life, that grew into passions that I needed to conquer and do.

The only thing is.. to put it bluntly.. I'm getting old. I chose scenario 2, and now here I am. I did not dedicate 6-8 years of my life in a university like some of my friends, and so now I am "mom" and not Dr. Lima top pscyhologist.

Is it too late?

It's never too late. The trail just becomes more difficult. I absolutely do not regret the paths I chose in life. I know for a fact I was too gypsy-like and wild to have gone to school and I would be miserable knowing I had missed out on a lot of opportunities.

But it does mean that I know have a little human who requires ALOT of my attention and I will have to figure out how to create a path that allows me to do what I want to do, and not leave him on the sidelines.

Sometimes life is full of opportunities and desires but just a little bit foggy. Like a jigsaw puzzle. 

Now to just to make the pieces fit...