When I Grow Up...

I always thought turning 18 meant I was going to become a grown up.

That was 8 years ago. I’m still waiting.

You know when you’re like, 6 years old and everyone is asking you what you wanna be when you grow up? And you answer with total conviction what it is that you dream of becoming; nothing is impossible. Who is going to stop you from becoming a princess? Or an astronaut? Or a Power Ranger?

Why do people ask that question anyway? Is it so that when you’re 26 and still searching for the answer you’ll remember what you said 20 years before? Hmm...

We just recently got Netflix... which means I have an unlimited number of movies and TV shows at my disposal.. which means I don’t do a lot of anything productive these days... which means I’m totally getting addicted to Grey’s Anatomy.. which means.. that I think I’ve decided what it is I want to be when I grow up.

I... should become a brain surgeon.

Or, at the very least.. a surgeon, of general kinds. Besides, after watching 10 episodes of Grey’s I already know how to remove a tumor and do a heart transplant. There can’t be that much more to it...

And it gets me thinking, why DIDN’T I become a doctor and save lives with my miracle hands and have secret affairs with dreamy eyed surgeons with perfect hair?

Oh yeah, because I don’t have the motivation, money, or stomach for blood.

But it was a good thought wasn’t it?

List of Potential Grown Up Jobs

Brain surgeon

Well, back to square one. People always say, think back to your childhood and you’ll have your answer.

That’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard.

First, because if that were true.. I’d be an Eskimo hunter on snowshoes, towing a toboggan and collecting meat for my Eskimo family in the arctic.

Second, because our view of real life is completely unrealistic at age 5. As we grow up, we have a better understanding of the world and our place in it; and of who we are and our capabilities. I loved school as a kid. No no, as in LOVED it – like I would go to school, and then come home from school and set up all my stuffed animals and play pretend school some more. And everyone thought I was a shoe in for a teacher.

But just because I wanted to be a teacher when I was 5, doesn't mean I should become one now. It might mean I have a gift or passion to help others learn, but there are many professions other than teaching that can accomplish that. And as an adult I can, and should, look at the world around me and figure out what that might be.

Life isn’t as simple as it seems.

But nor is it as complex.

Sometimes.. it’s okay to just not know.

And sometimes... it’s ok to live vicariously through the lives of dreamy eyed brain surgeons until you figure out what it is you wanna be when you grow up.