House of Horrors

You know when life just seems to be going downhill? And then something happens and you hit rock bottom and say something foolish like, "well.. at least things can't get any worse." 

Never, ever say that.

It's like the Universe is just waiting to hear those words and then when some poor soul murmurs them, it does everything it can just to prove you wrong. 

I don't believe in Karma, but if I did... I would seriously be wondering what I had done wrong in life. 

Listen to this little tale of horrors.

So yesterday was one of those days where I was just sick of being in Brazil, and everything was starting to annoy me. Deison and I had been bickering all day as I complained about how everything in Brazil is just backwards and dumb. (I'm so understanding, I know). 

And I thought things really could just not get any worse. 

I didn't even have to say it; the Universe read my mind and came with a vengeance. 

I was exhausted in the evening so I went to bed. Then I had this dream that something was crawling in my hair, so I grabbed it; and it freaked me out so much I woke up. I felt panicked. You know those horrible nightmares that feel like reality but you wake up and you're so thankful it was just a dream?

What if it wasn't a dream?

I turned on the light, and looked around. I heard a noise from behind the curtain... I went and looked... nothing. Still remembering the feeling of something in my hair, I took out my ponytail and shook my hair loose. There was nothing..  and though I felt very uncertain, I convinced myself I had been dreaming. 

HOWEVER.

I woke up at 230am to the lights glaring, and Deison banging around our bedroom with a broom. I was like, "what the flip are you doing?!" and he looks at me and says, "there's a rat in here."

I think back to the "dream" of something crawling in my hair. And I panic. Obviously. "YOU'RE LYING! YOU'RE LYING TO ME," I stare at him, hoping he's kidding and just felt like being a jerk and waking me up. Good one Heidi. 

And then I see it;

A rat. Crawling on my dresser, as it silently slithers into the top drawer like a thief. By this point all I can think is... there.. is a RAT running loose in my bedroom. But worse... IT WAS IN MY HAIR!!!! 

I'm so freaked out, I leave Deison to capture the little devil and head to the living room. Where... I am greeted by a cockroach that is almost the size of the rat. 

K, I know it's Halloween... but I did NOT sign up to have my house turned into the house of horrors. After about 45 minutes, Deison comes out of the bedroom, throws the rat in the garbage and very calmly says, "ok, you can sleep now." 

I burst into tears. He stares me. "Why are you crying?"

All of a sudden all I can think about is how cute and rat-like it was, and I'm just horrified that we've committed animal murder. 'YOU KILLED HIM!" I reply sobbing. "You killed the rat and now he's dead and I'm sad."

Deison just stares at me, clearly confused. "What?! But I.. don't you want to sleep?" But all I can hear are the sad squeaks as the rat perishes beneath Deison's wrath. 

It was so traumatic. I cried for like an hour at least. 

And then I remember how it felt to have a RAT CRAWLING IN MY HAIR and I realize there is a balance to life. 

EW. EW. EW. EW. EW.

Do you think this story is over? Well, just to throw a cherry on the cake... the light bulb burned out in our bedroom and we have no extras. And it's Sunday so we can't buy anymore. How do you think I feel walking into my bedroom, CRAWLING INTO MY BED, with no lights to guide the way?!? 

I can just picture it.. I reach into my drawer for my pjamas... something crawls over my hand...

The Universe hates me. 

Deison said to me today, "it's so normal. You have no idea how many rats I killed growing up." Ok, let's just make something clear. I'm from Canada. It's NOT normal. And I did NOT kill rats growing up. It's NOT ok.

So the next time you're having a bad day, because you're hair didn't turn out, or it's too cold outside, or that 3 millimeter spider is on the wall, remember...

A RAT WAS CRAWLING IN MY HAIR.