Pillars of Normalcy

Ok, I'm just going to say this... I miss home. I miss the FOOOOOOOD from home. I started making a list of all the food I want to eat, and then.. I burst into tears knowing I can't eat it. Hahaha. But seriously... everything grosses me out, except when I think of food from home... like bagels, and cereal (with soy milk), and bacon and hashbrowns, and pie, and sour cream... NONE of which I can find here :(

Something happened yesterday that got me thinking about our concept of normal. Acceptable in society, or not. Of course there are universal rules that society considers "wrong" like stealing, or murder. But what about the rest? How come in certain places one thing is okay, and the next it's not?

In order to help myself understand why I get so mad on a daily basis, I created a theory. It is called the Pillars of Normalcy. But before I get to that, let me tell you what happened yesterday.

We had ordered a countertop awhile ago, and it finally arrived. I opened the door, and 2 guys carried the countertop to the hallway, where I turned around and stopped - a friendly gesture to say, please don't come any further into my house - and let them know they could put it down.

And then.

Before I knew it, and I'm not really sure how it happened... one of the delivery guys is in my kitchen and this is what he says, "get me some water?" not - "I'm sorry, would you mind giving me a glass of water?" even THAT I would find weird.. but no, he basically demands it. Which I know, in Portuguese you don't have to politely ask, but in my head it translates to this "fetch me some water, slave." So I get him some. And just when I'm about to be even more annoyed, he passes the glass back to me and says, "yeah... more."

I.... was LIVID.

This is not your home, do not make yourself comfortable here. If you're thirsty, bring a freaking water bottle to work! It's not like you've been slaving away doing construction in the hot sun for 3 hours. You literally dropped something off at my house. It was just.. so rude to me.

Now, here is where my theory comes in. You see, living here for almost 2 years I KNOW that this is considered a social norm. Everyone does it. But I AM NOT BRAZILIAN. So even though my brain knows he isn't trying to be rude, it clashes with all of the contents in the Pillars of Normalcy and I am instantly irritated. 

You see, the pillars are made up of blocks of things that we grow up doing, or not doing. If you are told over, and over, and over that it is rude to wipe your nose with your sleeve, this will become something that subconsciously you find rude. It becomes ingrained into your DNA. 

The blocks in the pillars are black and white; there is no room for reason or debate. If you went to another country and saw someone wiping their nose on their sleeve, your immediate reaction would be "that's gross," even though you might KNOW to them it is not.

You see what I mean? You can't really change what you find normal or not. It's just how you grow up.

Blowing your nose in public in Brazil is considered rude. Snorting back the mucus as loud as you possibly can however, is considered acceptable.

It doesn't matter how often my brain tells me that it's not rude, it completely disgusts me EVERY TIME I hear someone doing it.

Cutting in line - generally accepted.

Starting your party an hour and 15 minutes late and making your guests wait? - no problem.

Commenting on someone's weight in a negative light? - sure, you're just being honest.

What is your reaction to those situations? Probably the same as mine. Because your pillars of normalcy are probably almost identical to mine. You cannot change how you feel about them, because it is something that has been ingrained into your DNA. You can learn to accept that no one will see things how you do, but you probably won't ever find snorting mucus an acceptable society behaviour. You will just have to "swallow" - pun intended - your irritations and get over it.

And that's why living in another culture is hard.