The Other Side of Parenthood.

There are some people that somehow associate motherhood with pastel colors and floating hearts. That the relationship you have with your child is always wrapped in a bubble of sweetness and overwhelming joy, and say things like "I don't even care that I have to wake up 5 times a night, it's all so worth it when I see his beautiful face." Who "doesn't mind" waking up 5 times a night?! That has to be the worst ever. 

Those are the same people who associate marriage with fairy tales and unicorns.

Those people need to be smacked on the side of the head.

There's a word in Portuguese that doesn't exist in English (well, more than one) but the one I'm thinking of is "chato (a)." It can describe a person or situation, that is really unpleasant, or kind of annoying. Deison says I'm really chata. I like things done my way and I get irritated quickly at small things. And it's true, I am. I like my time and space and things to go just as I like. 

This was my biggest fear in becoming a mother. I was worried that I would find it really frustrating to try and handle the constant responsibility of having someone depend completely on me for EVERYTHING and there wouldn't be time for ME.  

And boy was I right.

Sometimes all you want is 5 minutes to drink a cup of coffee while it's still hot instead of trying to eat your breakfast with one hand because someone would rather sit on your lap rather than in his stroller and watch you eat.

Sometimes you are simply not in the mood to be projectile vomited on. Especially once you JUST changed into clean clothes. 

Sometimes you actually crave an hour to clean the house all at once, without being interrupted, rather than in 10 minute increments throughout the day.

Sometimes standing alone at the sink and doing the dishes is the most relaxing thing you've done all week (this coming from someone who LOATHES cleaning).

Sometimes you dream about dreaming.. of getting to put your head down on the pillow and waking up when you want to, NOT when someone else needs you to.

Sometimes it's really frustrating to not be able to just sit and write when you want to. Or sit and do anything for that matter. Or sit and do nothing...

Sometimes... you just want to be left alone. You love that chubby monster more than anything but sometimes.. you don't want to be needed. Sometimes you want to call in sick or take a "personal day" and not be "mom." To just be a stranger wandering on the street, not being needed or wanted by anyone. 

Sometimes it's really hard. And that's ok.