Why I Won't Spank My Kids

To Spank or Not To Spank? 

This is a controversial topic, especially among Christian circles. I have very strong opinions about it, so I'm going to share them. You may not agree, and that's okay. But let me at least explain why I think it's a terrible idea. 

First let me just say that I was spanked as a child, but I'm not writing this because I'm traumatized and have some sort of vendetta against my parents. I'm fine. I'm sure there are things I'm going to do with Luca that he'll grow up and decide it's not how he wants to raise his children, and that's okay. 

There are numerous things I hear from pro-spankers when discussing this topic such as:

"I was spanked and I turned out fine." That's not the point. There are a lot of things that happen to children that shouldn't and they still "turn out fine" but that doesn't mean it's right, or that the next child won't have some kind of lasting scar. It annoys me when people blame disobedient or rebellious teenagers on parents who decided not to spank their kids. Just because you don't spank doesn't mean you don't discipline; why does discipline have to be synonymous with spanking?

"It works for some kids." Also not the point. Just because 'something works' temporarily doesn't make it right. There are a lot of fear-inducing methods that "work" and get kids to obey. 

"As long as it's done in love it's fine." REALLY?! How in the world can you hit a child "in love?" Maybe YOUR intentions are fine, but do you honestly think a 5 year old understands your intentions? No. All he knows is you're hitting him. Imagine you decide to discipline your child because he hit his friend - so your method of discipline is to hit him back? How confusing is that for a child?! Don't come at me with "it's not hitting, it's spanking." What is hitting? Using your hands/other objects to inflict pain upon another person. Spanking - using your hands/other objects to inflict pain upon another person. Maybe the intentions behind the two are different, but a child doesn't see intentions. He sees your hands. 

And my personal favorite "it's biblical." Just because something "is in the bible" does NOT mean it should be taken literally or that it's okay. Did you know it was also recommended that if your child was rebellious you should take him to the town square and stone him to death? I don't see too many adopting that philosophy anymore. 

There are 5 verses in the entire bible, in Proverbs, that talk about "using the rod" where a lot of Christians assume it means they can and should spank their kids. First, I think it's incredibly scary that people adopt an entire child-rearing philosophy on 5 verses that could be taken out of context. I won't get into it here, but let's remember Proverbs is a book full of metaphors and poetic phrases, and perhaps "the rod" doesn't actually mean rod. Also remember a shepherd uses "the rod" to gently guide and protect his flock - not to beat them with it.

But let's say for arguments' sake it does mean spanking, and you are going to use this as a basis to hit your children. Did you know that in Hebrew the world "child" actually has 9 different words, each signifying a specific age/phase of childhood/adolescence? In these 5 verses talking about physical discipline, the word chosen is "na'ar" which refers to a child of probably about 10-12 years, someone who is almost into teenage-hood. Never once does it refer to a small child. So if you're going to interpret these 5 verses literally, you should also understand that literally you shouldn't be hitting your kids until they are at least 10-12 years old, an age at which most parents stop spanking and start using a different form of discipline. 

I just simply don't want to. Parents say this a lot, "it's going to hurt me more than it will hurt you." Well then don't do it! If something feels wrong it probably is. I'm sure you can use your creativity and think of other ways to discipline your child. I'm convinced that I can raise Luca to be a good human without ever using my hands to hurt him. Too many times people assume something is okay because it's how they were raised, or it's accepted within a Christian circle. But it's 2014 folks, we understand more now how hitting kids can be detrimental to their well being and even if it wasn't... why on earth would you want to?! 

That's all.