the difference.

I went on a date this Saturday. It was magical. I drove to the city and spent the day with.... myself.

I am an introvert. I NEED to spend time by myself. I also just genuinely enjoy my own company. The freedom and space to simply be, think, wonder. I think this has been cultivated after years of venturing into the world on my own and becoming my own person, and what was once enjoyable is now simply a necessity to survive.

You can imagine then, how difficult it was for me to enter into a relationship. I never understood my friends, or women in generally, who loathed being single. Who desperately wanted to be in a relationship. Over the years, I had grown to appreciate and truly love the life of singlehood, and the thought of being "committed" and tied down to someone was downright terrifying. I used to have nightmares about it. Of running from the alter, being trapped in a maze trying to get out after I got married.. oh yeah, it was a real phobia...

In the beginning our biggest fight was always about me. That I wanted too much time to myself, that I worded all my sentences "in the future, I want this. I am going to do that." I still say it sometimes. Deison is, and always has been super understanding of my need to be alone sometimes. But coming from such a warm and affectionate culture, I know it was bizarre and really frustrating for him at times. I've changed a lot since we first started dating a year ago. I no longer refuse to answer the door when I don't feel like seeing him, or hang up the phone, or tell him to leave... hahaha. (We laugh about it now... it wasn't funny then.... relationships are hard for me, ok?!)

But I guess what I hear a lot about is the "differences" after you get married. Suddenly this person is someone totally different than who you thought you married. The line, "you think you know someone until you marry them" becomes reality.

But I don't think the point is to get to know everything about your signficant other before you marry them in order to decide if they are right for you. There is SO much I have to learn yet about Deison. I'll be the first to admit that our relationship went really quickly and we DON'T know everything about each other. How could we? We come from completely different worlds, backgrounds, culture, language. But that doesn't mean I don't know the kind of person that he is or that he's right for me. Because I do.

Difference has defined our relationship from the beginning.

I don't think knowing every single thing about the other person suddenly makes things any easier. You still have to know how to deal with them. I think the focus should be on how you plan to overcome your differences WHEN they arise, not trying to learn every single detail and then being surprised and frustrated because you don't see eye to eye.

You SHOULD, of course, know enough about them to decide if they are right for you. But I don't think it's about discovering every single aspect or moment of their life that is important. There will always be things to learn; that is life's effect on humanity. We grow, change, and transform constantly. The key is learning how to understand your differences, how they can be used to teach you, and overcoming them to move forward.

Yes, our relationship has been difficult sometimes because of all of our differences - cultural, social, language, just who we are as people.. But I also think it has prepared us in unimaginable ways for being married to each other. Of course we will discover things about each other afterwards, but we already understand how to let the small differences go - to agree to disagree instead of argue - and the methods of working through the bigger ones.

It's going to be really hard sometimes.. we already know that. But we've been through a lot already, and I know we'll be okay :)