Vegas wedding? suddenly not such a bad idea...

Well hello long lost world.

I'm sorry I've been MIA.. this week has been absolutely treacherous. It seems like everything that could go wrong, did. I'm so mentally exhausted.

Who knew it would be so freaking difficult just to get married? I'm not even talking about the wedding. No no, I just mean.. to have a legal paper that says I got married. In North America, you can actually just show up to a little white chapel, intoxicated and oblivious, and get legally hitched. Although perhaps borderline offensive and irresponsible, I almost wish the entire world worked this way.

I don't know why I thought it would be easy to get married in Brazil. In Canada, you just need a passport. That's it.

In Brazil.. church weddings are almost never considered legal marriages. You first marry on paper at a registry office, and then have a ceremony later on if you wish. But you don't just need one piece of identification...

As a foreigner you need a passport, a birth certificate (and then another document that shows your parents' full names, as the birth certificate doesn't) a certificate stating you are single, which technically we don't really have, so you may need to get an affidavit stating your civil status, and proof of residency. Then you need to send all those papers to get legalized at the consulate. Then you need to send them away to get translated (which costs at least $60 per page). Then you need to go to the civil registry in Brazil and enter into an "intent to marry" Oh yes. You can't just "get married."
You APPLY to get married. Then after a month, if they deem your documents are sufficient, you may proceed.

I know right? WHY?!? What is the Brazilian obsession with beaurocracy and paperwork?! I just want to know. Job creation? A false sense of accomplishment and notoriety? Because it's really starting to get on my nerves.

I may be 90 years old by the time I actually get legally married.

I'm kidding.

But with all of this, I find it difficult to make space in my brain for anything else. Like uh, the actual wedding. I just can't right now. The weight of "am I going to get to Brazil and find out I'm missing papers and our marriage won't be legalized? What if I DO need more documents? How will I get them once I'm there?" just kind of takes over.

People sometimes ask me about going to school and I'm like school... what... cannot.. compute... I just simply can't even go there right now.

I am not a cry-er. But I frequently cry now. Out of pure frustration and nothing else. And to be quite honest, I'm really tired of hearing people say "you just need to trust God." Like that is somehow supposed to just make everything better. And while that's maybe true, and becoming disheartened is rather unbecoming and shameful, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to encounter roadblocks or that rainbows are going light up the sky around me.

And that's the part I'm having difficulty with.

If trusting in God doesn't mean that things are going to turn out how we want, even when we "trust" that they will.... then what exactly are we trusting for? The only answer I have right now is a rational, factual one. 

That all things work for the good of those who love God.

Meaning.. God is using every situation for a bigger, better purpose, and that I am constantly on the best path of life if I trust Him - even though what I'm seeing appears insurmountable, I must remember I also do NOT see what exists along the other paths. Also that trusting in God, is not simply a decision. It is a learned action. One that takes time, and a continual mental choice even in the face of adversity.

People sometimes say, "do you REALLY love Deison enough to go through all this?" Yes, I do. And if you even imply that "maybe it's a sign it's not supposed to be," I will throw sand in your eyes. If I believed in that philosophy, I would have quit after my visa was denied the first time I tried to go to Brazil and would never have made it there at all. Infact, I wouldn't have done a lot of things in life. Neither would any of us. Resistance is rarely a negative answer. It is a challenge, and an opportunity for growth. I refuse to believe anything else.